This blog post is inspired by reading someone say on a social media network:
Oh my God, if one more person says ‘cheer up, it is Christmas’ I will scream. Clinical depression doesn’t go away just because it is Christmas.
I tried responding to this but the person immediately deleted it. I asked why and they said that they were wary in case people thought it was aimed at them.
So since they felt wary about speaking out about this, I thought ‘hey, why not do it for them’?
So here is some information about clinical depression and the Christmas season. And really most of what is said here can be applied to most mental illnesses – not just depression.
- Saying ‘cheer up, it’s Christmas’ won’t help someone with depression;
- Clinical depression doesn’t go away just because it’s Christmas;
- In fact, clinical depression can often simply get much worse at Christmas. So much pressure and so many expectations on people.
It’s difficult when ’tis the season to be jolly’ but you have an illness that is completely pulling you down, that is completely sucking the life out of you, that perhaps even leaves you unable to function.
When you feel like you want to be able to feel a part of all the fun that everyone else is having, that you want to really enjoy the Christmas experience, but it just not happening.
When you can’t get the bad thoughts out of your head, to even give any real thought to the positive stuff.
When every Christmas carol, every cute Christmas ad, every nice Christmas gesture, just gets you so emotional and you don’t even know why.
When you want to enjoy it all, but you find yourself just wanting to curl up until the festive period is over… and again, you don’t even know why…
I could go on…
But clinical depression doesn’t go away just because it is Christmas. And neither does any other mental illness. Oh, wouldn’t that be lovely.
And one other point that is really worth stressing is this:
- No one with a mental illness can ever ‘just cheer up’ or ‘pull themselves together’ or even ‘get a grip’.
After all, if they could just cheer up, or pull themselves together, or get a grip, wouldn’t they just do so?
As someone pointed out online last night ‘It’s like telling an asthmatic to ‘take a deep breath and get over it’. Not possible.
No one would choose to feel this way or live this way.
Being mentally ill is not a lifestyle choice.
People cannot just switch off their mental illness. After all, it is just that – an illness, not some kind of act.
So spare a thought for those who are struggling this Christmas. When we are caught up in all the fun and festivities it is easy to forget what some others are going through. Christmas or not – the mental illness will still be there!
Filed under: mental health awareness
dal5
I saw the title for this….and initially screamed! The number of times I have been told this or similar over the last 2 weeks has been untrue….in fact when I said to my Mother how much I was dreading Christmas Day, and it would be a day of pretending, she said, “well you won’t have to pretend you’ll have Alisha and it will be Christmas Day, you should be happy”…..like you say Depression, Mental Illness don’t choose the time of year they hit, and again as you said Christmas can make things worse for many.
I’ll just be glad for it to be over and done with xx
Same here to be honest.
And it takes a lot for me to admit that.
And the phrase ‘you SHOULD be happy’ who ever thought that would be helpful to anyone? More pressure, more expectations, more guilt… that’s all that phrase could cause in my opinion.
Maybe you ‘should’ be, maybe you ‘shouldn’t’ be, you you don’t really have a choice in it unfortunately, and you sure as hell aren’t choosing to feel this way xxxx
AMEN!!!
Excellent post. Thanks for putting into words what so many people feel.
Verywell said Amanda. So true.
It’s annoying and its also hypocritical, maybe not always but a lot of the time. I think the only people who have told me to ‘cheer up its Christmas’ are people who are suffering from the stress of Christmas. Even the ‘normal’ ‘happy’ people are feeling the mental strain. But we already have the mental strain of just being alive every day, then we have more mental strain on top of that? How is that going to work out well?
I’m also expected to stop having physical problems on Christmas day. I have digestion problems, I have trouble eating a one course meal. But for the Christmas period I’m expected to develop the ability to eat 3 course meals. I have 2 choices. Really bad stomach pains,nausea, anxiety about how ill I’m feeling or offending people by eating an amount that’s healthy for me. I feel so guilty about not being able to eat as much as everyone else and as I’m so much thinner than the rest of my family I feel like I’m criticising there bigger apetites in some way.I wish I could put away as much as they do. I love the taste of food and Christmas food is always especially nice. But I can’t eat much. I have to force myself to finish one course.
Thank you … excellent Post! There is no more to add
I would love to copy and paste this post EVERYWHERE. It is so true. So xx
Thank you for this post Amanda, so true! x
I get more depressed in Christmas, for me there is no religious meaning for the holiday so it’s just a date to try to avoid family and be forced to stay home, it’s almost impossible for me to go out on Christmas, the sensory accessibility for autism get’s worse, painful lights and music everywhere, it’s like a sensory hell on Christmas, worse time of the year. More people, more anxiety, more isolation, more trying to get away from family, why should I get less depressed?
I do know a lot of people with different diagnosis and disabilities and few are happy this time of year.
So many people become ill at holiday time . . . for many years, I became so depressed each Christmas I actually got flu-like symptoms and was unable to participate in the festivities with my young children. They were cheated, my wife was cheated, *I* was cheated!! It was awful!
Nowadays I have medications that permit me to get involved, and am disabled so I have no money to buy big gifts. But at least I can enjoy the season, and the thrill of the grandchildren at Christmas. And I no longer cast a pall over the celebrations. Perhaps that’s the best part – no more guilt! And I can love Christmas again. I’m grateful that my meds and cognitive skills have allowed me this.
Thank you so much for this, Amanda. I usually end up having an argument with someone about my being miserable at Christmas and the effort of trying to be upbeat for my young nephew is exhausting. Thanks for putting this into words better than I could x
Summer was always the worst for my depression. All my friends went away on vacation. Christmas has always been the time for me to chill. I really like sitting in a room lit by nothing but Christmas lights
So true, so many people just don’t understand or get lost in their own festive spirit and forget how hard it can be for others
The words you have written are so true. You can’t cheer up just because someone wants you to. It’s usually for the best intentions, other people just want you to be happy, but despite their best efforts that isn’t going to happen.
Christmas can be difficult for other reasons too, memories or reminders.
Anyway wonderful blog and at last I have commented : )
I’ve had a few really difficult Christmases. This past Christmas was really hard. I was doing the best I could despite my BPD symptoms. I think I did pretty well considering. it’s like “Cheer up, it’s Christmas! Oh, yeah I forgot, how silly of me.” Then you’re instantly happy. It doesn’t work like that. It’s not a choice. Like I’d really choose to feel like that!
People with BPD need validation that, using the tools and resources available to them at the time, they’re coping the best they possibly can. That would help me a million times more than just saying “Oh, cheer up, it’s Christmas!” ever could.
Reblogged this on Make BPD Stigma-Free!.